i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
