dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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