i was born a porn star she said
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
