someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
