Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize