how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
