Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
