GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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