his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
