I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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