Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
