my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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