You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it was like eating out sand paper
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize