I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize