I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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