3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize