Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
