I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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