The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
