I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
