I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
