He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
