Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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