I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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