How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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