If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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