I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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