I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
