first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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