guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize