just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
