he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
