so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize