Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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