wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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