Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
