We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize