And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
