That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
