it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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