Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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