i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
