his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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