i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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