I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
