There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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