Four minutes until I can fart!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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