Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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