I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
