This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
