I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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