I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
