I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
