I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
