none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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