Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
