Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
