My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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