I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
