Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
