he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
