Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize