Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
