you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
