Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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