True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
