How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
