Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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