____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
