i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Operation Purity has been aborted
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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