I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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