My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
