There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize