just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
