Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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