Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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