My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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