Someone shit on the floor
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
