Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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