i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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