3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
