i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
