with your own penis?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
