Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
