maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
