I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
