I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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