i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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