Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
