I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize