Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
