Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
