No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
